Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
