so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
