He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
