my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
