my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we're so committed to being not committed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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