then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
