I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
