Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
