Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
