Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
