first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
