look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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