just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
