Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
