That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
