So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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