How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
