so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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