4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
