this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize