I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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