dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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