I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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