Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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