To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
