I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize