I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
