he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
