I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Terrible idea I love it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
