Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
