My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
