Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
