His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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