Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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