Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
