Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
