remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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