Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
