Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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