I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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