What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
