I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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