I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
