I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
