Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I met the friendliest cop last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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