oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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