This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
