She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
