If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize