Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
