You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
