Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize