Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
