i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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