I heard we made out
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
