My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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