Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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