she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
