CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
