I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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