I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Come see our sink grown plant.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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