It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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