He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
